navigating to light again.

not that i am depressed or anything.
not that i am totally lost
not that i am extremely hurting.
not like i don't have a million questions.
not like i wanna run down the long dirt driveway to my home, crying why.

no, that was 3 weeks ago.
but i am trying so hard to hold tightly to the truth that whatever i do is never enough. my world can shake down to its core at any point, any day. if i am vulnerable enough. these days, i am hardly anything else. i have been on my knees for a while now, praying for the ability to sift through this heartache and hew straight to the heart of the matter, so I can grab hold of the big ideas and greater truths. hold on to what I know is true in this. “Nobody can be a good reasoner unless by constant practice he/she has realized the importance of getting hold of the big ideas and hanging onto them like grim death.”

embrace me. embrace me with Your kind love.
it's all i wanted, it's all i ever dreamed of
and all of this dreaming, in silver and gold
something to break this, winter so cold.
you go straight for the thunder
straight for the rain
love leaves a mark
and love leaves a stain

back in the saddle
again and again
millions of eyes
none of them friends

patty griffin. crying over.


everyone asking me if i'm "ok." yes. i'm ok. i am on the other side of things now. i am back in that familiar saddle. again. holding on tight. i have navigated through a dark room to hit the light switch on the other side. not forgetting what i learned in the light while i was in the dark.