“All those things for which we have no words are lost. The mind—the culture—has two little tools, grammar and lexicon: a decorated sand bucket and a matching shovel. With these we bluster about the continents and do all the world’s work. With these we try to save our very lives.” –Annie Dillard

a tribute.

i've been thinking about the close community of beautiful women in my life. how blessed i am to call them friends, my dear ones. i drink them to excess whenever i am with them, which in most cases nowadays, is never. we're scattered across the country but here's to the women i love, the things they love, and the things they do (in alphabetical order):

i know aly. a powerful woman if ever i knew one. a lover of words and literature, she encourages others to tell their stories the way they were made here on earth to tell them. she is a die hard sports fan, a model of a wife to her husband, roger, and an ever-present figure in her community, involved in every way. i admire her incomparable strength and i often crave curling up on her couch, drinking vino, and soaking up her accumulated wisdoms on life.

i know christin. she is passionate about skin science and personal wellness. even my brother can attest to her talent for spa treatments. and how can i speak of her loyalty to me? unsurpassed for years and years. someone i can cry to. and often do. amazing that my bestest will soon be my roomie.

i know emily. when she talks/sings your whole soul quiets down. time with her is better than time with any professional therapist. not only does she sing and soothe, but she knows. everything. talk with her, and you'll see what i mean.

i know erin. with whom i have an unbreakable "family" bond. i will never forget the confession of an old college roommate: "if only i was half as good a person as erin is..." someone i have wanted to be "just like" in life. i would trust her advice on anything. ever.

i know hannah. she's an epic woman indeed. witty to boot. fighting hard for human rights and kickin butt in law school. i don't know how she does what she does in one day but she thinks on her feet and does so with more confidence than anyone will ever see. she also gives the perfect gifts.

i know jenna. she is passionate about teaching. and teaching well. she is a deep well of information on the subject. the most nurturing of all my dear ones. she loves beyond herself and she takes care of me, even from far away. the perfect "talker-through-er." when i am a parent, she will be on speed dial.

i know kelly. together, we dream of the simple life. i admire her fabulously gifted sense of design and oil painting craft. and oh how she listens. i trust her with my life, my secrets, my aspirations. she holds them tightly and for that i am so grateful.

i know krista. another "family bond." a selfless soul. willing to drop anything at any time to ensure someone feels understood, loved, heard. the girl next door, exquisitely casual and effortlessly cool in how she carries herself and in her life views.

i know laura macfie. a woman who exudes independence. strong-willed and determined. the perfect project manager but with a huge heart and deep concern for others. i have learned a lot from that woman.

i know laura stone. a brilliant mind and dedicated to medicine. a fun-lover and such a beauty. she inspires "carpe diem" to all around her and when i'm around her, a smile always sticks.

i know lindsay breitenberg. my fun. the wanderluster. very rarely does an opportunity arise before her that she does not grasp with both hands. she is confident in herself and firm in her beliefs. she's willing to try...and she succeeds. a genuine, wild wonder.

i know lindsey merchant. she's always thinking of ways to include her dearest friends in her life. she is passionate about music, theatre, beauty and she invites others into that intriguing world. she is firm in her faith and we live inside each other's brains most days, it seems.

i know mary beth. a joyful spirit. a model of compassion. and her positive energy is contagious at all times. she was the perfect partner to counsel a group of girls with for a summer because she constantly gives of herself and never gives up on finding ways to do it.

i know my mom. where would i be without her? she's passionate about music and her family. she has been dedicated to the study of voice her whole life and has always found ways to exercise this creative outlet of hers. she sings when she doesn't want to because it is her gift and she teaches me to use my gifts. everything a mom should be and then some. i could not be more proud to say i belong to her.

i know riva. my lifeblood in college. an outgoing leader with a classic, mature soul. the epitome of a southern belle who walks in favor and leaves behind a clear trail as an example for others. she feels like home to me.

i know sarah. i stare at her watercolors and know for a fact that such refined art requires a steady hand, unwavering grace, and a soft spirit. she is, undoubtedly, a rare and admirable "true north" of a mother to her new son, liam.

i know stephanie boyd. she is kindness incarnate. she'll help you with anything and give you the confidence and hope you need to carry on. sometimes i feel these optimistic souls are most important in our world.

i know stephanie butler. my longest friend. just spend an afternoon with her. you'll feel you can change the world for good. this woman can inspire you to learn more and do more.

i know tara. my twin in so many ways. she has a life of art. she creates things that melt your heart because she pours all of her big heart into her pieces. you'll want to experience tara's beautiful work for yourself. for sure.

i know teresa. she's passionate about natural beauty...finding it, creating it, inspiring it in others. the most resourceful woman i know, dying clothes in coffee grounds. a saint and domestic goddess for sure.

i know tiffany. who is unmatched in her skillful wordsmithing. she is so wise. the best story teller i know. a true lover of style, non-profit, and truth. i could sit with her for hours in a coffee shop...oh wait.

i know the girls in my new small group. just recently met them. spent only an evening with them. but their personalities and accountability are soon to bring balance to my life. i'm sure of it.

these are some of the dearest women in my life. this is what they love. this is what i love about them. i am so grateful that i have walked/will continue to walk through life with them.

i'd do it just like this.

(via jose villa)

Be.

Lost

On a painted sky

Where the clouds are hung

For the poets eye

You may find him

If you may find him

There

On a distant shore

By the wings of dreams

Through an open door

You may know him

If you may

Be

As a page that aches for words

Which speaks on a theme thats timeless

While the sun God will make for your day

Sing

As a song in search of a voice that is silent

And the one God will make for your way

And we dance

To a whispered voice

Overheard by the soul

Undertook by the heart

And you may know it

If you may know it

While the sand

Would become the stone

Which begat the spark

Turned to living bone

Holy, holy

Sanctus, sanctus

Be

As a page that aches for word

Which speaks on a theme that is timeless

While the sun God will make for your day

Sing

As a song in search of a voice that is silent

And the one God will make for your day

riding boots, cable knits, and layers. oh my.

amee shalee

what makes life happier comes to this:

gifts freely given, that you never earned;
open affection with your husband and kids;
clear pipes in winter, in summer screens that fit;
few days in court, with little consequence;
a quiet mind, a strong body, short hours in the office; 

close friends who speak the truth;
good food, cooked simply; 

a memory that's rich enough to build the future with; 

a bed in which to love, read, dream, and re-imagine love;
a warm, dry field for laying down in sleep, and sleep to trim the long night coming;
knowledge of who you are, the wish to be none other; 

freedom to forget the time;
to know the soul exceeds where it's confined yet does not seek the terms of its release,
like a child's kite catching at the wind
that flies because the hand holds tight the line.
-Josh Weiner

happy september.

hello autumn.

welcome back.

i've missed you.

won't you lie down with me right now, in this september grass.

spark.

Along the way, I’ve collected more questions than 

answers, but I’ve fought for a few ideas that have formed 

a bed I can rest on, a life I can make peace with, a dream I 

can cling to. I’m not a doctrinarian, mostly because for me, 

doctrine is not the thing that God has used to change my 

life. I’m a reader and a storyteller, and God chose literature 

and story and poetry as the languages of my spiritual text. 

To me, the Bible is a manifesto, a guide, a love letter, a story. 

To me, life with God is prismatic, shocking, demanding, 

freeing. It’s the deepest stream, the blood in my veins, the 

stories and words of my dreams and my middle-of-the-night 

prayers. I am still surprised on a regular basis at the love I feel 

for the spirit of God, the deep respect and emotion that I 

experience when I see an expanse of water or a new baby or 

the kindness of strangers. 

I’m immeasurably thankful to have been born into 

a community of faith. And I’m even more thankful that my 

community of faith allowed me the space and freedom to 

travel my own distances around and through the questions 

I needed to answer. I’m thankful for the patience and grace 

I was given, for the forgiveness I was extended, and the 

guidance I needed. 

I’m thankful for God’s constant fl ickering and sparking 

fl ame inside me, planted in me years ago and fi ghting to 

keep burning. For a season, I didn’t think it mattered much, 

but now I know that tiny fl ame is the most precious thing I 

have, and that it can ignite a forest fi re inside any heart and 

can burn away a lifetime of apathy and regret and distance.

excerpt of Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. 

(tasting her words and identifying with the essence of her memoir)

some goals set on my drive home.

for some reason, i set a few resolutions for myself on my drive home this evening after work. new year's resolution-ish. in the middle of the year. and i decided that i am going to follow through on these ones. asap. no matter how trivial they may seem to the onlooker, they all hold some level of meaning to me. and it's simply about time i've tackled them.

so immediately:

1. move out. into my own place. preferably downtown chicago. preferably wicker park.

2. join a worship team. or somehow figure out how to sing as a servant again. now that i am settled in back here.

3. paint some pieces. with scenes i  have been itching to get out on canvas finally. it's time.

4. start a photoblog to keep track of the wedding/engagement shoots and to direct future clients to.

long term:

1. write my book. i think about it all the time. so it needs to happen. and then maybe it might be good enough to make some money that i could donate to causes i'm passionate about.

2. learn to play the mandolin. and then the dobro. two absolutely stunning instruments. the sound of them brings about the same comfort level as a down comforter. i could listen to them all day. so i'd like to learn.

3. learn italian. 

4. practice my art therapy program with human trafficking/boy soldier victims. 

some big. some small. all invaluable. 

"Don't give up on something that you can't seem to go a day without thinking about."

i feel these images today.

and sad but true, i fear that this might be my reality and stance on love today...

why i wish i was raised in the south.

so that i could get away with a wedding like this one. 

my favorite look for bridesmaids that i've seen yet.

too bad i'm not a southern belle like i've always wanted to be.

sad day.

(via one love)

moss graffiti.

[how to]

i'd like to try this on the side of my apartment when i move to downtown chicago in a few months. 

love love love this idea.

also: 1. held back tears against this post.

2. streaming the ever perfect imogen heap. new stuff.

3. and in honor of my love for mischief lately.

the perfect summer mailing.

i adore these cards. to encourage affection.

from larkpress.

Don't let your mind get weary and confused 

Your will be still, don't try 

Don't let your heart get heavy child 

Inside you there's a strength that lies 

Don't let your soul get lonely child 

It's only time, it will go by 

Don't look for love in faces, places 

It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness 

Be here now.

(photo via sarah rhoads. song by ray lamontagne)

it has often occurred to me that a seeker of the truth has to be silent.

insert me please...

colorstrology.

colorstrology: here's mine february 8:: driven, quirky, charming, uplifting, progressive.

Although you are warmhearted, your emotions are not easy for you to handle. (truth) You have a tough exterior but a sensitive feeling nature. You may use more energy keeping people away than you do connecting on a more intimate level. (hmm, doubt it) Work and financial success come easily to you. (ha) Your personal color embodies the qualities of light and joy. 

the ideal bookshelf.

(via http://www.20x200.com/)

a fluttering bird.

wish i could have expressed this as perfectly as lindsey does. looking forward to seeing lauren tonight. and ready for a good cry...

One of the most wonderful things about being friends with musicians is the way it feels to meet a person, talk and laugh with this person, and then see this same person in front of a crowd, see this same person open her mouth and have behind her voice a strong muscle, a fluttering bird. A real artist is such a delight because he is someone in whom a gift isn't immediately obvious; it's something he can take out at any time, like a toy from his pocket. He can set it in his palm, wind it up, and let it sing, and sing, and sing.

Last night, while Lauren Zettler sang, I thought about the music that you put on to cry. That sounds like an insult, or a joke, but it isn't. The songs that you put on to cry are specific. It isn't that they're sadsack; it's that they knock against the tines of our chest in a way that echoes and aches in a strangely bittersweet way. In that way music can do, however it does, thank goodness it does. Lauren's voice and Lauren's songs did that. I kept exchanging glances with the women around me, all feeling the same way. Two songs later, Lauren's between-song banter began with, "You know how there are some songs that you put on to cry to?" I told her after her set that lately, mine are all Patty Griffin. ("Forgiveness" first, then "When It Don't Come Easy.") She agreed, said one of hers was Brandi Carlile.

I've cried to Elanors, Death Cab for Cutie, Simon and Garfunkel and The Beatles, Paul Simon again, countless times to "An American Tune." I'm all right, I'm all right, I'm just weary to my bones. Still, you don't expect to be bright and bon vivant so far away from home, so far away from home, the round vowel in home hollow, scraped clean and empty. I've cried to Tom Waits and his voice like knotted chains rattling come on up to the house, trumpeting this world is not my home I'm just a-passin' through like we both believe it. 

Does it ever happen to you that you have a problem you feel is too huge and interwoven to ever go away, and so you keep it inside you where it gathers and grows--and then as soon as you just talk about it to someone, talk even about the possibility of someday feeling better, it immediately lightens up on its own? I wrote last week about not feeling as connected to music as I had in the past, but I listened to Lauren's album on my iPod today, skipping back to certain songs, and then I came home and listened to everything I could find, and danced cross-legged in my seat. The reason some songs echo in our chests perfectly is that the people behind them felt that same way once, too, and know how reassuring it is to hear a familiar voice say, again and again, that they understand how you feel.

(via http://www.lalalindsey.com/)

convictions on love.

 (via kindovermatter)

style statement.

my style. this could be me.

but digging deeper now with a few questions from Style Statement...

I love: digital photography, polaroids, the fall season, orchids, being barefoot, music, drinking wine and sitting curled up on a couch with blankets, driving with the windows down, making the perfect playlist to fit any occasion, ideas and images, dreams, rain when i'm falling asleep,  a day of solitude followed by a few of friendship, cooking, traveling, concerts, down comforters, ripping up magazines, playing with my hair, folky acoustic tunes, antique shopping, escaping to small towns, a long hike, mountain scenery, reading poetry, laying in bed watching movies, singing (especially harmony), healthy book appetites, the library, the smell of books,  team building, icebreakers, cuddling, painting, painting for people, beautiful words and their power, giraffes, coffee shops, big leather chairs, sour cream, cheese, journaling, typography, men with guitars, going out to eat, .being independent, porch sitting with the queens of my heart, my extremely close family, grilling out and outdoor games,  flea markets. 

I want to travel: to italy and retreat to a tuscan villa for a few weeks. or to a remote cabin in colorado. or to san francisco or austin texas or santa fe, or greece, or AUSTRALIA!  yeah all of those.

Philosophy on money: it is the source of so many of my worries these days. i wish that wasn't true. i wish i just thought it was something to spend when you have it or whatever, but that would require having enough of it, and that is definitely not the case for me right now. there are so many things i wish i could do and money is hindering me.

One outfit for the rest of my life: skinny jeans, soft, longish v-neck tshirt, some sort of sandal, chunky silver jewelry, my "signature" jacket on the side draped over a big sac for a bag.  or if its cold  tall, worn brown boots, skinny jeans (or leggings), big oversized grandpa sweater that covers my hands, scarf

I find sexy: tan feet, confidence, determination, passion for something, decision maker, listener, good advice, height, firm faith, sarcasm, rare names, a little awkwardness (quirk), and give me comfy casual any day. i've gone for the prep, the jock,  the mountain main, the emo artist, but they have all possessed some (if not all) of these qualities. 

My philosophy on friendship: I'm a loyal friend and completely compassionate. My life would not be complete without my friends and I am often so anxious to be surrounded by them. I don't like to miss out on any chance to bond, get to know, or spend time with my favorite people in my life. However, I've been known to give too much at the cost of my happiness. I do treasure and need my solitude to re energize but I don't like to say no. I trust easily but lately I’ve had to learn to let some friendships go that were bringing my energy down – it always hurts.  

Art that has moved me (only some) : visually- SABRINA WARD HARRISON, SARK, Tara Moser. literarily- anne lamott, rumi, anne lindbergh, liz gilbert, e.e. cummings.  to the ears- eva cassidy, mary chapin carpenter, patty griffin, james taylor, so so much.

Tools of my trade: my cameras, my computers, my journals, my eyes, my hands.

My inner rhythm: ebbs and flows. was never a morning person growing up but recently have learned to rise and shine. this morning i sang in my car full voice, surprising myself i was actually that awake. but mostly, after the 3-4pm wall i hit, i am newly energized by the thought of an evening activity. by "bedtime" i rarely want to quit what i'm doing just to be responsible and fall asleep. 

Favourite scent: CAMPFIRE. but others...  grass. rain on pavement. books. sharpies.

I nourish my well-being: with books and gathered quotes and constantly image/idea browsing through blogs. i'll go on walks with my camera just to see what I can see. and i sit on my bed in my room, in the center of books, art tools, listening to the likes of ray lamontagne, kate havnevik, cat stevens, iron&wine, or other soft acoustic treasures. lots of soulful time with my family and closest friends, as well.

I feel uncomfortable: when there is a quick and sudden change in peoples' energies. when i think i know what they're thinking and feeling and how to interact with them one day and the next, i can no longer relate. i lose track of what i am supposed to do with myself sometimes. and presentations. hate those. 

A completely outrageous thing I’d like to own: a vanigan. a bagpipe. or a zipline from my roof to my backyard lake. or a pet pig named HAMlet.

Very interested in: helping others to look inside themselves to find their true voice; sharing what I know, especially in art therapy working with human trafficking victims, former boy soldiers. 

A small part of me: yearns to find him. 

Creative means to me: danger, risk, bohemian, freedom and wildflowers, camera, writing, journaling,  to belong, inspiring, sharing, mess making, no boundaries, no lines.

Sensual means to me: soft cottons, lips, perfumed, his musk, delicious, intimate quarters, classic bathtubs, the woods, fireplace, letters, red wine, rain, secrets, flirty, intermingled,  confident, knowing and being known.

(via ink on my fingers)

(via i.anton)

summer is lush & overgrown, brimming with pattern, and drenched in color.

summer is the ocean – the blue gray grit of salt air, weathered wood and smooth rocks.

summer is small island towns and a sense of community.

summer is fleeting.

my heart for the issue of human trafficking.

a friend of mine, morgan perry, has worked with a very talented group of students to do what i wish i had the opportunity to do. she has taken photos and put together this slideshow in an effort to raise awareness on the issue. 

their project, sex + money, is something to be talked about and supported.

to me, you are perfect.

oh anthropologie. how you tempt me. tease me. entice me. intrigue me. inspire me.